Siya-Var Ram Chandra ki jai : Praise to Sita’s husband who disappointed her and me.

8 min readSep 27, 2019

Well thank you for introducing Ram as Sita’s husband. That’s enough accomplishment for that life of hers though. ‘The Forest of Enchantments’ by Chitra Divakaruni, has put me in a whirlwind of emotions. I had lost the ability to deeply connect with novels due to the kind of stories I was reading. They were puzzling, philosophical or about economics. I would never choose anything that will give me any sense of relatability, how monotonous would that be. When I started reading it, I was looking for inspiration from a far off world, or some real time-travel into the country that was thousands of years ago. My experience reading it, although, gave me something I was truly not expecting – relatable pain.

She is only human, is what Chitra tries to show again and again throughout the book, she takes decisions based on both rational calculations and emotional urges. She had the ability to foresee certain mishaps in dreams, but that was not helping her in taking decisions all throughout her journey at all! Just like we do have premonitions about calamities to occur, we call it intuition and seldom trust it. She was making the mistakes I was just edging on.

‘Please don’t! Dont! DON’T do that you silly woman!’ Is what my mind kept saying everytime I knew that her actions were going to change the direction of the story. Soon I started seeing the similarities between her and me, many things she wanted are exactly what I want as well.

Freedom in the outskirts of home:

This was the first emotion that I said ‘yes, yes me too’ to! Sita lived in her court palace which was beautiful with its inexhaustible resources. Luxury of life was given to her as a gift and she didn’t need to ever think about how to afford the exquisite clothing and ornaments she was wearing. But she would look over through the terrace of her palace into the forests and wonder how life would be there. Hardships and risks were scary but the aspect of being too protected in the palace of parents was suffocating enough to deal with any kind of challenge lying ahead.

Feeling out of place, where do I belong?

Sita never felt like she entirely fit in, either in her own parents’ house, nor with her in-laws. She felt like she belonged to the oceans and forests and wilderness. Am I the coveted daughter of Ravan and Mandodari too? Why do I feel like I don’t fit in? I sure as hell am my mother’s child, I look so much like her. But all I want to do is escape my own realities and step out into the wilderness, travel. A more extreme version of the millenium syndrome I’d say. I want to belong to the rural community, give up all kinds of devices and coffee flavours. It will be hard for sure but the life on the other side is so much more comforting. The best of both worlds – cheap living cost and zero belongingness with people or things.

That one expensive thrill amongst the cheap ones

She wanted that golden deer, for the need for an off-spring or just the thrill of having something so inconsequential in her life? I have yearned for an i-pad as much I could say for the past one year. All I ever dreamt of getting from all the money stored up in my father’s muscle was that electronic device which could be my own companion. I did not have to send off no Ram for the errand, but it did empty my bank account. What was the price I am going to pay for it, I am yet to discover.

Need for solitude

Even though Sita loved all her affections, her mother Sunaina, her sister Urmila, her father Janak and definitely Ram, but more than any of them she loved her own quiet and space. She wanted to sit under a tree and just spend some time with her surroundings. I can give up on my family for that kind of solitude for a while. 14 years of vanvas is surely not something I would be ready to do, except if I have the company of Ram and romanticism without betrayal.

Sacrificing for love and closeness

What all after all did she sacrifice to be close to Ram, that star crossed lover of hers? She sacrificed her palace luxuries. Or did she really? Wasn’t she anyway ready to give up on all of that for the enchanting forests? Well the narrative she did use was of love. Sometimes our own narratives can blind us. I too would be willing to give up meetings with friends for that one special friend, but is it really for their closeness or for the entire feeling of where and how that closeness unfolds? What matters to us humans at the end of the day is not what we created ourselves – the trap of worldly desires- but that which we can seldom even comprehend. That which is intangible and beautiful from afar.

Sexual desire

Well then if Ram wasn’t just her sole God, her reason to be with him was more than the closeness. Our own body is equipped to make us feel a million emotions through all the touches and warm breaths blown gently over the curves. Sita’s affection towards Ram was fogged with her desire for him too. A human intoxicated with their sexuality is much more powerful, strong enough to break calories and social barriers alike.

Competition with her male-counterpart

He whoever he is, Ram or Lord Ram, is still a better ‘half’ of her. Why should he be the star of the relationship or why should he be the societal hero? Why does she have to hide behind his stardom? Isn’t she worth looking at too, admired and idolised? Will I have to constantly struggle to prove my own worth to him all throughout or is it a one time battle where you win or loose? Yes, he is a lovely other half but the society lets him take all the limelight and he wouldn’t be able to refuse. But would he sacrifice his share of fame for the sake of equality? Hardly anyone ever does that. And just like all our mothers have instilled this motivation in us to be better women, so did Sita’s.

Be the perfect girl

Every action of Sita’s was double-tested, she was asked to give the ‘Agni Pariksha’ for a second time just for the world to see and accept her. But did Ram’s chastity get questioned even once. Oh he was celebrated for vowing to take only one wife his entire life. Thousands of years after such epics were bard-ed, this expectation still holds true for females. I have to prove my worth all the time and lest I make a mistake, it will be dressed on me as a crown for the rest of my life. Well then let me be cautious and never make that mistake in the first place, be a perfect girl.

Belief that no-one really is bad

But she did have a belief, that everyone she meets has an innate goodness. Sita saw it in Ravan what many couldn’t, she empathised with Surpanakha (Ravan’s sister) who had been robbed of her beauty by Sita’s own husband and brother-in-law. She was the one who easily got trapped in the scheme of events and she was the one who was constantly questioned. It was only in her mind though that she questioned again and again the eve teasers in her own family. Is being gullible really a bad thing, having belief in the goodness of all only clouds our judgement of the multiple truths in front of us. We might just choose the alternative truth which changes the course of our life, but at least being gullible gives pleasure to the heart. Pain only comes later with the kind of heart-burns we crave after heavy workouts.

Finding self, more in foes than in friends

She looked at Samara, Ravan’s sister-in-law and saw a friend in her. She looked at Kekayi and wanted so dearly to be friends with the evil queen. They say two swords can’t reside in one cover, and really it was either Kekayi or Sita, but what if she had established a deeper friendship with the one everyone considered an enemy? I do get attracted to danger all the time, but what if being closer to danger actually does take away the risk of being affected by it. Oh wait, that sounds just about right doesn’t it?